It’s a common observation that fewer and fewer people can focus; we live in a world where it’s too difficult for many to turn off the temptation of the phone or notifications for too long. I would argue that learning deep focus is important to achieve excellence in any field, so you have to choose whether you want to be excellent or you want to enjoy your distractions. However, this series is about your boss or client loving working with you, not about achieving excellence in your work. (If you do want to learn how to achieve excellence, I’d start with reading Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi’s Flow.)
But there is one moment in particular when you need deep focus without a doubt to make your boss happy: during meetings.
Have you ever been in a meeting in which so-and-so keeps glancing at his phone? You may not mind, but here is what your boss or client is thinking, “How come he isn’t paying attention?”
It’s hard to play down the importance of giving a meeting your full, intense attention, without even a millisecond distraction of, for example, a glance at your phone. I’ve been in multi-million-dollar negotiations during which the starting premise—sometimes stated explicitly, sometimes not—is “no phones” (and no other distractions.) Giving the same respect to the people in a meeting is treating them as though this little meeting does have million-dollar consequences.
If you were having the meeting with the president of your country—or any other figure whom, in your understanding of how the world works, is of deep importance—would you glance at your phone to see an InstaFaceTwitTok update every 5 minutes? No. So doing that even with the intern is treating them with the same respect you would give the president!
And here’s the thing: he’ll feel it. He’ll know it. You can always tell if someone is “fully there” or not. There’s no faking it. Either the meeting has your full attention or not. And if it doesn’t, the disrespect is felt by everyone.
And guess what? Giving the meeting your full and intense attention has great consequences. You’ll actually do better work. You’ll have more creative ideas. You’ll respond faster. You’ll remember it better. You’ll really engage with the materials.
Three final points. First, one way to force yourself to do this is to have a policy of turning off your phone and computer during all meetings and writing notes by hand. (I often have a policy of always carrying a pad with me, at all times, to write down idle thoughts while alone in a cafe, and so I can take notes during meetings without the distraction of technology.)
Secondly, remember that focus during a meeting isn’t merely not having tools and toys to distract you, it’s also not letting your mind wander to random other topics. Just thinking about every sentence as it is said. And doing that alone is much harder than it seems—and if you can master it, then you can master meetings and master client management.
Third, this applies even when you’re in “chat” typing-only meetings, as well. The difference between the other person responding instantly or near-instantly after writing, or if there’s that not-quite-imperceptible delay because you’re chatting with 11 other people simultaneously? Yes, they know that you’re not giving them your full attention. Delays you think are imperceptible are actually perceptible. Indeed, most of what you think is imperceptible actually perceptible.
