There’s no way around it, no way of saying this in nicer words. It’s a painful lesson that has led to the collapse of one too many companies, divisions, managers, and relationships—sometimes, you just need to be an asshole.
This is hard for most people since being “nice” and “the good guy” comes very naturally to most.
The depressing news about management—and possibly about humanity—is that sometimes, just sometimes, you need to be the bad guy.
Situations I’ve seen happen, enough times that I want to cry about it:
- A newbie manager or newbie freelancer wanting to be nice, so he reprimands people in the most euphemistic and positive, and supportive way, to the point where the person being reprimanded doesn’t understand the severity of the situation nor the importance of him changing his ways.
- A newbie manager or newbie freelancer wanting to be nice so he doesn’t fire the guy who has been deeply under-performing for a long time.
- A newbie manager or newbie freelancer wanting to be nice, so doesn’t push-back towards teammates, or even bosses, who are clearly making foolish decisions.
- A newbie manager or newbie freelancer wanting to be nice, so he doesn’t say the painful truth that everyone in the room knows, but the most important person in the room—The Big Boss—just doesn’t see.
This last one is so common and so profoundly important that there’s an ancient tale that’s been shared for generations just to make that point: the little boy being the only one to tell the king that he’s naked.
The sad truth is, being “nice” to an extreme point of tip-toe-ing everywhere is just incompatible with being effective at your work. If you’re in a non-trivial, it will make your boss or client turn against you eventually, because it will inhibit your productivity too drastically.
Just imagine a gardener whose heart would break every time he stepped on a blade of grass. He was such a good guy who cared so much about each blade of grass, that he would avoid stepping on the grass at all. He may be a very nice guy, but he just can’t be an effective gardener.
As the allegory of the naked king reminds us: this doesn’t apply just at work, but perhaps in life as well.
There is one trick to make being the asshole a bit easier. If you feel better telling people you don’t want to be an asshole but you have to be one, then go for it. Telling people, you don’t want to do the difficult work you’re about to do doesn’t change the outcome, but may make it easier for you. So, give it a shot.
