Every little action you do that relates to someone else could be judged by one question: does this action add or remove friction for the other person? In other words, does this action, no matter how small, make things easier for the other person? Or harder, even if just by a minuscule minute’s worth of work harder?
It’s important to remember that even really minor things can add friction. Imagine yourself to be absurdly busy, as your boss or client more likely is, every little distraction becomes a frustration. Imagine how the busy person would respond to a question as simple as, “what should I do?” The busy person would likely think, “I don’t have time to tell him. I hired him so he can figure out what to do. This is annoying to answer because it’s not just a two-second request but I have to sit here, think about it, think about the work in detail, and that takes up too much time.”
One easy solution is to always include a default answer with any question you ask so that your boss or client could easily respond with a “yes,” unless he disagrees with the default suggestion. Think about it this way, if every email is framed as an “I’m going to do X unless you have a better suggestion” then 50% of the time he’ll probably say “yes” and 50% of the time he’ll probably disagree and have a different suggestion—in which case, you’ve basically removed 50% of his thinking from him to make it much easier for him!
What’s great about this strategy is this: even if he’s not busy, he’ll still appreciate it! Everyone enjoys people who make their lives easier, not people who add frustration.
Of course, there is a time and place for adding frustration—and that’s why picking your battles is deeply important as well, and the corollary to this. You want to create friction when it is very important to do so. Like if your boss or client is very wrong on a major issue or if you see a huge risk factor that he doesn’t see. But if you create lots of friction non-stop, then, when the big issue comes, you will just be the Boy Who Cried Wolf.
